Too Fat For Fashion

May 21, 2015

I've been in love with fashion for as long as I can remember. My constant outfit changes for games of "fashion shows" and "music concerts" were at fault for the catastrophe that was my bedroom floor. Dreams of becoming a fashion designer flooded my brain and talk of becoming "big someday" was a constant conversation amongst my best friend and myself. She was gorgeous, tall and skinny with long hair and most importantly, white. Completely opposite of myself, however, we made a great team. Model and stylist. Eventually, we began to grow apart, I became older and more insecure, unsure of myself; realizing that magazines like such as Vogue, Cosmo, and Allure were not made for girls like me. Everyone I saw was tall, skinny, pretty and white.

I, however, was not any of those things. From ages 7-16, my weight was on a steady increase; with the exception of periods of hours on the elliptical with nothing to eat but a few soda crackers and bottles of water or binging on all the sour candies I could afford and forcibly removing them from my system. My insecurities could and did eat me alive. A large chunk of my life was spent trying to get myself "right" so I could live it. Missing out on things I loved because of what people would have thought of me and what I thought of myself. YouTube videos, blogging, recording music, lookbooks, photos; all these things were treated as "rewards" that I could only give myself if I lost weight. Happiness would only be rewarded to myself if I lost weight.

Though those dreams have faded, and I've taken a different course in my life, I still enjoy fashion, blogging and most importantly, talking. I've made a recent realization after many years of believing my weight defined me, that I don't need to be a size 0 and rich to share my passions with the world. (Also, that my body doesn't physically do that. I don't think I've been a size 0 since I was a fetus.) I enjoy fashion and I'm sure that many others could benefit from what I have to bring to the table when it comes to fashion and blogging. My Wal-Mart outfits and drugstore makeup will have to do. I am not too fat for fashion. I don't have to be size 0 to love myself and look good. (Clearly.) 

You can check my chubby ass out on lookbook.

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