Dealing With It: Rejection

January 21, 2016


We're about to get super heavy and talk about feelings and rejection. This is one of my most talked about topics in my emails and I figured that rather than talking about any e-mail specifically, I could make a broad post that answers the most asked questions and addresses the most popular topics.

disclaimer: (I feel like I need to add this every time to avoid angry emails) I am in no way a professional in any topics I speak about on this blog. I am merely a girl who's been through/seen some shit.

Times are tough. Mercury's in Retrograde. I have an overwhelming amount of e-mails from really distraught people about rejection, heartbreak, etc. etc. It's been a while since I've made a blog post like this because I haven't been in the headspace to do so. It's difficult to try to help someone through something you're going through yourself. I like to organize my thoughts before I commit to putting them in a blog post, but I've been trying to realize that it's okay to make mistakes and be a mess sometimes. So this post is probably going to be a mess.

No one really takes rejection well. No one likes being rejected and it's not something you can get "good" at. Depending on how often it happens, there is a period of time where you just get used to it and personally, I believe that's a dangerous place to be. 

In the past, I took every failure in life so personally. I felt all of my downfalls were a reflection of my character and it ate me alive. Rejection had become a fear, and the best way to avoid rejection was to stop taking chances. It was easier to sit and sulk and constantly remind myself that last time I did A, B and C, I got rejected. There was a consistency of this in almost all the e-mails I received regarding rejection. And while I can't tell you how to be okay with rejection, I can tell you how you can try and make it easier/take preventative measures. And not get destroyed in the process.


I still need to learn this one. I tend to become emotionally invested in things or people and end up putting all my "happiness eggs" in this one basket and getting torn apart when this basket falls and my eggs break. Unfortunately, I get attached to circumstances, such as talking to the same person every day and having a person consistently there and when they are gone I often don't know what to do with myself. Don't give yourself an ultimatum whereas, if ABC doesn't work out, then I won't be happy. Remind yourself that ABC isn't the reason for your happiness and if ABC ceases to exist in your life, you won't be unhappy forever.


When we like someone and we're all in our feelings, like all-the-way-in our feelings, sometimes we live in this fantasy world in our heads. Often we don't even realize we are in this part of our head because we've easily substituted it for reality. We are comfortable here. We are allowed to love as much as we would like. We are allowed to feel our deepest feelings to their full extent and because we are in this false reality, we often mistake the other party's actions as reciprocations of deep feelings and love. He's not my boyfriend, but he acts like it. The most dangerous part is that we get happy. We get so happy that when the rejection hits, it's a thousand punches. Try not to mistake kindness for methods of affection. Especially with men, most of the time what they say is exactly what they mean. Sometimes nothing more. This is incredibly hard to do because often people will show methods of affection without meaning anything behind it. Sometimes, they're holding your hand not because they are trying to show an emotional connection but purely a physical attraction and nothing more. Sometimes, they just call everyone, "babe." 

But when it happens...


Whether you didn't get the job you wanted, get into the school you wanted or got rejected relationship-wise, this is not a reflection of you or your capabilities as a human being. It's incredibly hard, but you need to learn to separate your emotions from your rejections. Rejection happens for different reasons and you can't go blaming and questioning your character every time it happens.


Still need to learn, as my 17-year-old-self swore not to cry over people, especially boys. But sometimes, you just need to let it out in the form of waterfalls. Sometimes it hurts more to think about the people that could've been rather than the people that were. So put on some sad music and let it out. I like to refrain from crying when the actual rejection is happening, it's best not to cry to the person rejecting you. Sometimes, it comes across as a guilt thing, and you can't necessarily blame someone for not reciprocating feelings.. however, there's a long list of other things you can blame them for if they led you on (but that's a different blog post.)


There's not really any right or wrong ways to deal with these situations, assuming you aren't doing any harm to anyone around you or yourself. If you need to talk it out. Do that. If you want to forget about it and move on. Do that. 


This is something I always have issues with. Once, I'm rejected, I just wanna say "okay." and peace out. It's okay to ask questions and explain your feelings. You do have the right to ask why or explain what led you to believe something or otherwise. It's fine to get that immediate closure.


Rejection is not embarrassing. This goes for girls and guys, everyone has been rejected. There is not one person who has ever not been rejected, and if they told you that, they're lying. Rejection is honestly a part of life and learning to come to terms with that is important. It's totally fine to be rejected and it's not something we should be embarrassed by or afraid of. It happens. You live, you learn and you move on. No biggie.


Another one I still need to learn. Whether you believe in karma, the universe, God's plan, etc. Sometimes, things just weren't meant to be. And many people believe this to be a cop-out, but honestly, sometimes it's just the way things are. Maybe it just wasn't the right time, maybe it just wasn't meant to turn out that way. As humans, we become over-involved in our feelings and emotions when we like someone and when things go south, we try so hard to come up with reasons for why this or that didn't work. A lot of the time we end up blaming ourselves, (which takes us back to realizing this is not a reflection of you) and thinking that something could have been done differently to avoid this situation. But sometimes, there is no long, elaborate or complex reason for the way things are. They just are. 

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