Online Dating: OKCUPID

March 14, 2016


I'm going to be straight up, OKCUPID is arguably one of the worst dating sites I've ever used.


Okay I lied, OKCUPID has potential. The website/app has a substantial amount of tools that allow you to get to know a potential "match" before even conversing with them. OKCUPID provides a "21-questions"-like option where you can answer multiple-choice questions based on 6 different categories: Lifestyle, Dating, Religion, Ethics, Sex & Other. OKCUPID allows you to select your answer along with which answer(s) you would be comfortable with a potential match providing and which ones you wouldn't be; this in correlation with your potential match's selection will determine a percentage at which you match. They are blunt about these questions too, there's no messing around and it gets straight to the point. "In the case of an accidental pregnancy, is abortion an option?" Boom. Right off the bat. This is what drew me to OKCUPID. Although your match percentage isn't foolproof, other dating sites I've used will often provide some form of "chemistry test" in which you cannot view the other person's answers or provide no type of match likeliness at all. You'll just have to find out on your first date when they spew some problematic anti-feminism bullshit and you're forced to sit in the middle of Wendy's and eat your small fries because this dude is too cheap to take you to an actual restaurant... but that's another story.

Now, here is where it gets a little ugly. OKCUPID is widely used by Americans and while most of you know by now, I am Canadian. While you can select your preferred distance/radius... when you're as picky as I am, you have 7 matches to choose from. 4 of which you either have a 3% match with or are not physically attracted to, and 3 of which you have talked to on another dating site already and it didn't work out for whatever reason (despite your nearly 80%+ match... again, this isn't foolproof.) In my area, OKCUPID isn't widely used by men of my preference (let's just be frank: men of colour) under the age of 30. I partially believe this is because they don't know about it as it is not very popular amongst Canadians, we are still solely on PlentyOfFish, Tinder & E-Harmony. Along with this, the men on OKCUPID are either serial "DTF?-ers", "Pick-Up Liners", "fetishizers", "uncles" and/or "straight to the point" dudes. I'll explain to you what these labels are:

The Serial DTF?-ers.

These people are on dating sites solely for sex. There's a copious amount of "DTF-ers" on these websites, and it's valid; you can't blame them. However, when I use the term "serial DTF'er," I mean serial. They find it completely logical to message you every other day as if your lack of response implies you're just "not in the mood today." Perhaps tomorrow? The day after? Then you make the mistake of responding, politely declining their sex-posal, and rather than moving on, they either make a pathetic attempt to convince you, get increasingly vulgar, or make a complete ass of themselves. Like I said, there are a copious amount of these people on dating sites but for some absurd reason, the serial "DTF?"-ers can't find each other.

The Pick-Up Liners. 

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the "pick-up liners." PUL-ers can often be entertaining, however, they have the tendency to be extremely sensitive when you leave a message un-replied to.

Now, PUL-ers aren't terrible... Until you stumble across the one's who are mildly offensive.  It's quite interesting how they believe their vulgar or offensive messages will compel a girl to talk to them, but it's often a trap. PUL-ers (or "Pick-Up Artists) will make an attempt to engage in conversation with you with a pick-up line. If/when you decline to respond, they will hit you with the most offensive or vulgar shit they can think of, or a simple "Wanna have sex?" - Do not fall for this. When you reply, either shocked/offended or politely declining their sex-posal, much like the "serial dtf-ers" they will lose their minds. Asking why you would respond to a message such as that one and not their initial message. It's just best to not get into it with these ones, it's not worth it.

Fetishizers.


Ah, these ones are my favorite. These are the ones who think it's real cute to fetishize things about you that other men would otherwise consider "flaws." Fetishizers specialize in giving back-handed compliments and have a PhD in saying stupid shit. "I love black girls." "You're bad for a big girl." Love it. Don't fall for this kind of compliment, this is how you know a dude is disgusting.

Dude had the nerve to follow the fact he is a "proud Ethiopian" and grew up in South Africa with "Black girls are my weakness tho" Nigga, TF you mean, "Black girls are my weakness tho?" THO? You black too, boy. You are from and grew up in Africa.  You SHOULD like black girls. You're not special.

Uncles.


I mean this in a literal sense. "Uncles" are the dudes that are nearly 10 or more years your senior (visibly) and still feel it's appropriate to message you. (Fig 1. Sorry, I had to display this dude's username because everything about that situation was absolutely wrong.) These men are old enough to be and/or hang around your father and you would legitimately refer to them as your uncle. Growing up in an African household, you meet a lot of these people who you would refer to as "Uncle" and will call you their "Dotah" (English translation: Daughter) or their "niece" but will still have the audacity to turn around and ask you when you're turning 18.

On OKCUPID these men have a tendency of displaying their age as "18-25" but their pictures say otherwise. (Fig 2: 22? Sir, are you confused? Why did you minus 20 years from the age displayed on your driver's license?) *sips tea* You're fooling no one. Uncles have a way of talking where you can just tell that they are not how old they claim to be. These are the types to ask how old you are when you reply "18," they say "me too." Sitting their with their old ass. Uncle, don't touch me, o. Abeg. (English translation: Man old enough to be my father, please don't hit on me.)

What business these men could possibly have with a woman under the age of 30, I do not know.

And as for Fig 3. What about 20 years is a "tiny" bit older? Please enlighten me.


"Straight to the point" Dudes.



FUCKBOYS. These are the dudes that wanna act like they "don't play games" but that's as legitimate as Chris Brown's feature on "Play No Games." These are the dudes that will ask you out and drop their number all within their first message.

Most famous lines:
"I don't get on here often but..."
"So, listen forgive me if I'm being forward but..."
"I don't play those games, so I was wondering..."
"I'm just going to get straight to the point and say..."

He knows gets on here often. He knows he's being forward. He knows he plays those games. The point he "got straight to" is not the point he really wanted to get to. This is the dude that's going to take you on a date at McDonalds. This is the dude that is going to neglect to text you back after getting physically intimate on the first date. This is the dude who is really looking for sex, but is really good at acting like he's a "good guy."


Now, don't be discouraged. I really do believe there are people who don't suck out there. They're just not on OKCUPID. At least not in my area.


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