Online Dating: Plenty of Fish (3 & a half dates)

March 21, 2016

Oh, Plenty of Fish..

I've been using Plenty of Fish for months and I have to say, there has been good and bad (mostly bad, possibly the worst dating site of the 3) however, out of the 3 (and a half) guys I've met from POF, I never actually completely hated any of them.

Let's talk about the people. (18-25)

POF has a variety of people, but you all know, I prefer my black & brown guys - (I feel like I have to keep repeating that it's nothing personal, just a preference and 'prefer' doesn't mean 'only.') The type of black guys that use POF are honestly something else... Now, not all of them, but the majority of them are really forward (and not in the way that I enjoy) - As in, they want to marry you today. The white guys are looking to smash and they aren't afraid to tell you about the "hard-on" & "jungle fever" they have. The brown guys are a mixture of the black guys and the white guys and as for everyone else (Asians, Native American, etc.), I don't really have much experience with it.

I describe POF as the "Coming to America" dating app because many of the guys on there type like my non-English-speaking family members. (The use of "am" instead of "I'm/I am" - that drives me mad.) (Not that being non-English-speaking or new to English is a negative.)

Now talking about the app's set-up, it's pretty low-budget dating app. It's pretty simple, has a blue/white/grey colour scheme.. nothing special. When it comes to compatibility, they have a "chemistry test" that no one actually takes and is bullpoo, quite frankly...

Yadda yaddda... let's get to the good stuff.

In the time I had POF, I met 3 (and a half) guys, they were all surprisingly not entirely dreadful (in comparison to other dating sites..) however, they all sucked in their own way.

I did not get permission to write about any of these guys, because the conversation itself would be so awkward so I am just going to hide identities and if this is you, well.. hey. 

Guy #1

We'll call him D. (Because that's what he was.) D was 23 or 24, I believe and he was FINE, damn, was he fine.. I talked to D for about a month before meeting and he seemed alright. He had his mind set on meeting from the first conversation we had. Since he was my first "online dating experience" I was skeptical and took forever to give the dude my number and meet him. (I was 17 at the time) I had really bad body dysmorphia and thought he would be disappointed because I'm skinnier in pictures, etc. I recall telling him I was 17 after talking for a week and I was terrified he'd be pissed, only to realize that many guys don't even care about all that. He was really nice (like too-good-to-be-true nice) but I rolled with it. Our first date was at Starbucks, he wanted to do the whole "dinner and a movie" thing but I was like, hell no.. if I don't like your ass, I wanna be able to dip. He lived way north and I lived way south of the city, but he drove to a starbucks close to me which I loved (listen- dudes who do this are the fucking best). I was late (of course) but he was cool with it, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek which I was weirded out by (Seriously. 17-year-old me had no idea what present me is capable of.) He then went to order a drink and when the barista turned to me to get my order, he said, "Nah, she got it." NAH, SHE GOT IT?! Got what, bruh? I was so salty, I bet he saw it in my facial expression and he went in for the "I was just kidding!" and I was like, uh huh... We sat down and dude was a gentleman, pulled out my chair and all. We had a very light conversation, but couldn't seem to agree on anything and I swear that date lasted 15 minutes before he asked if I wanted to go out to his car and my passive ass replied, "I'm good right here." he goes, "You sure? It's pretty loud..." and again, I'm like, "Nah. I'm good." and this dude starts hysterically laughing. I'm looking around like, "what's funny?" and he goes, "I'm not trying to fuck you out in the car, ma. That ain't the motive." and so we went. This dude had a nice ass car. A nice truck with a huge interior, the leather seats and all; I was impressed.. then he puts on music... and out of them speakers... came TWANG. This dude had playlist after playlist of country music... he was singing along and getting it like it was fire and the whole time I stared ahead uncomfortably. He asked what I liked, and I told him "hip-hop/r&b" and dude goes, "Yeah, I'm more into country, house and EDM." We continued to talk and the deeper the conversation got, the more I realized I did not like this dude. He was literally against everything I believed in, and I was not having it. We kissed a little, but the entire time I did not feel a single thing. I left him with a hug and a "we should do this again sometime." (Meaning, we should never, ever communicate ever again.) After the date, he texted me a couple times and because I am the considerate person I am, I was honest and told him that I wasn't feeling it because of A B and C (like the fact he flat out admitted that he believes women are inferior to men...) and dude, LOST HIS MIND. Talking about how "this is why he doesn't date darkskin girls with lightskin attitudes." Let's just say, I hit D with that "BLOCK."

Guy #2

I still (kind of) talk to Guy #2, so this is a little awkward and I was gonna leave this one out but oh well. He can check me if I get any of the deets wrong. We'll call him T.H. (because he has tall hair, those aren't his initials) I think I messaged TH first, because I'm just that bitch. (I was feeling real bold around this time) - I think we started talking shortly after I turned 18, and we talked for around a month before meeting. We talked every day, which was weird because I don't talk to anyone every day- but it was a mix of texting and snapchatting, normal conversations that got flirtatious at points but it was whatever. When I first started talking to TH, I was like, "this dude probably looking for someone to mess around with and I like to shamelessly flirt, so this is perfect." There was a point where I told him I wasn't just looking to have sex or something along those lines(?) and he wasn't an ass about it, so I was like sweet! and continued to shamelessly flirt. I gassed this dude up more than I usually would any other dude and I shouldn't have done that (I'm a back-handed compliment kinda chick- I'll think you fine as hell but I won't dare tell you that without following it with an insult). We hung out eventually and went to the movies (I haaaate movie dates because there is no talking involved and you can't get to know the person- but I assumed that was his reasoning for picking a movie date.) and I was awkward as hell because I didn't expect dude to even touch me on the first date since we were going to a movie and no conversation would be happening. My sister actually gave me this "pep-talk" about not getting too intimate with him because sometimes it just "happens" in movie theatres and I was just like, "whatevaaaa dude ain't even gone touch me, he don't know me like that." Wrong. He touched me and I touched him and I was really nervous about it because I didn't know him like that. Which was odd because I'm usually never nervous when first meeting people so I was probably such a terrible kisser/date but oh well. (I think I apologized for it after the date) ...and then I did the worst thing possible... caught fucking feelings... I was really mad at myself because I had specifically told myself I wouldn't and I did. From then on, I tried to prove to myself that I didn't care about him as much as I thought and I was just blinded by physical intimacy. So, when he didn't text me for a week after that, I was like "I'm cool, man, I'm straight." when in reality I was having internal panic attacks.. (psh, girls, right?) We met up a second time and it pretty much consisted of physical intimacy and Opa fries and I tried to tell myself I was so cool with it... that's what I wanted... I went out with a guy I met at a club somewhere in there trying to prove a point to myself (that I didn't really care about TH) but it honestly just furthermore proved that I liked TH and I ended up feeling so shitty about it and ended up putting my pride aside and telling TH I liked him a few days after. Which was stupid because I knew his deal; dude hit me with the "I'm not ready" line and I was PISSEEDDDDD yo. Like, I don't even know why; I went into this with such low expectations in the first place, so I don't know why I was mad when he didn't meet/surpass them or something? (Don't take this personally, literally no one meets/surpasses my low ass expectations, dudes love to do the bare minimum) I went off on this thing about how I don't get "physically intimate" with my "friends" and how I don't talk to my "friends" every day because I'm "busy" (which wasn't entirely a lie, I don't talk to anyone every day unless they carry the conversation because I'm lazy and a bad friend.) and then we just didn't talk for a while and I played it like I was so angry at him when in reality my feelings were hurt and I was pissed off for letting myself catch those feelings. Anyway, I was sad/mad/annoyed for a little bit and then I got over it so quickly and I was almost mad because I was like, what the fuck, feelings, that was a waste of time for something that wasn't even that serious... and we now have this weird "friendship" thing going on hahaha...

Guy #3

This dude was recent and I'm pretty sure he googled me, so I hope he doesn't continue to read my blog. Anyway, I think I messaged this dude first too. We'll call him.. headgear (because he told me he had headgear once lmao.) I'm not even gonna lie, I'm still a little salty about this because I liked this dude as a person almost immediately and that never happens to me when I meet people online. Headgear was 19 which is literally the youngest I've ever been on a date with. However, he immediately started having decent conversations with me, which was cool. He actually took the time to read my bio and look at my blog and stuff without me asking him to, which I was in love with, because most dudes can't be bothered to read your description on dating sites. He was actually one of those "play no games" dudes that I mentioned in my last post... but we sent 4 messages back and forth before he asked me to meet him for coffee and literally 5 days later we sat down for coffee.. (this is the quickest I've ever met anyone) - I had very few criticisms, my only issue with headgear was that he was terrible at texting before we met (but so am I) so I didn't really know where we were going until the morning of, but that wasn't so bad. We both talked a lot and talked about everything - the small talk was at a minimum and I was impressed because most dates I go on, consist of conversations revolving around the weather and what music we're into. I was really impressed by him, he seemed like a generally well-put-together person and I thought he was cute which was a bonus. I was a little too comfortable because I talked a lot.. but then again, that could've been a good or bad thing.. I tried to limit how much I talked about myself but y'all know how I love me... (I'm kidding... kind of.) I was actually interested in hearing about headgear's life and opinions and whatnot. This was the first date I've been on where the dude didn't kiss me, so I was like, that could be a good sign or a bad sign. Either way, I liked the dude enough to befriend him, if he wasn't interested. Which I realized he wasn't when he hugged me and said, "We should do this again sometime." I know this because I use those 6 words when I never want to see this person again. I went against everything I believed in and texted headgear later that night "thanking him for the coffee" because I was clearly suffering from brain damage or something. We talked back and forth for about 3 texts and then he stopped replying and today... a month later... haven't talked to the dude since. So, I was kinda bummed but more annoyed because I am a considerate person and when I'm not feeling a person after a date, I do them the decency of telling them that. But he don't play them games though... Anyway, 2 of 3 dating sites I use continue to suggest headgear to me and I don't know how to break it to them (the dating sites)...

Guy #3 & 1/2

I never met this guy in person. We just talked via text and phone call. This dude still makes me mad. Talking about him pisses me off. We'll call him CA because he was a condescending ass. This dude I had actually talked to between Guy 1 and 2. I was still 17. CA was 23. And he never let me forget it. CA talked to me as if I was a child and I hated it. I like to think that I am somewhat mature for my age. Yeah, I'm 18 but mentally, I'm 35. This 23 year old BABY, who literally said, "my sense of humour is only sexual." ONLY SEXUAL. Came at me, talking to ME like I am immature and how he couldn't see himself dating someone under the age of 21. He kept trying to meet up with me and I kept pushing back the date because I just didn't like him. I knew I would dislike him even moreso in person, so we never met. I just stopped replying to him eventually because I had just had enough. I don't let people treat me that way.

Those are the 3 (and a half) highlights of POF, everyone else lasted less than a week or was irrelevant. Regardless, I don't think online dating is for me.

Note to D, TH, Headgear & CA:
Please don't be offended or weirded out. If you'd like to discuss any of this, you all have my number.

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