Let's Talk About Sex (Or Let's Not, You Don't Have To) | *content warning*

May 11, 2016

As much as I hate talking about dating, I always seem to be back here, sitting at my computer, writing yet another dating-oriented blog post and you all seem to always come back and read them.

Today, we're talking about SEX! (Or talking about talking about sex.)

I received an email this morning from a young lady that set me off. To condense it, she basically said that she keeps landing in situations where guys will only talk to her about sex or if they want sex. She mentioned she is 17 and hasn't really dated anyone older than 19. I've mentioned a few times on my social media that I prefer not to mess with guys under the age of 23. (Since I've turned 18) Lately, I been messin' with guys under the age of 23 and I almost immediately remembered why I don't. ("messing" as in just talking to, calm yourselves) While I have so many reasons for not doing so, the main reason lies that:


'Mind you, I'm 18. I do talk about sex. I'm right in the middle of the "hookup culture" generation (that's another blog post, dear lord.) However, there is this constant in guys under 23 (and sometimes over) where they will tell you what they "want to do to you" before telling you their name or even knowing yours for that matter. You certainly cannot expect me to invite you into my pants the first time we meet. Especially in the circumstance where I know nothing about you besides the fact that you like to have your balls sucked on. Now, I'm certainly not shaming anyone for wanting/liking sex or just wanting to hookup because that's not a problem at all. Do you. Get yours. However, wouldn't it be nice to know just a little bit about the person you're going to sleep with? Just a little? 

The sender mentioned that she is a flirt and she enjoys it but it often gets escalated and she has a hard time leaving the conversation. I get it. I flirt too. However, there's a difference between flirting and sexting. Men literally know how to turn an innocent compliment into a full-out sext. 0 to 100. Real quick. Don't know what I'm talking about? Let me give you an example.

Just a few questions: Why are you like this? What made you escalate the conversation this way? Was this necessary? Was it supposed to be a compliment? Are there actually girls out there that would take this as a compliment? Was I supposed to reply with "Yeah, daddy, get over here with yo ass who's name I don't know and who I've never spoken with before today *spray water emoji* *tongue emoji* *eggplant emoji*"? Okay, dude. I'd sooner stick a fork up my ass.

Maybe, he did have that desire. Sure. He has every right to have that creepy ass, nasty ass desire. But don't f%#$!*g tell me that. I don't want to know. You must have enough brain to know that it's not gonna happen and even more so now that you've taken the time to randomly profess your unsolicited sexual desires. 

And this early in the damn morning too. Like????

I don't quite know what makes people think they can just show up and earn a first class, round-trip ticket to your pants... As the sender mentioned, 

"I feel like sex isn't being earned or worked for anymore, it's just being expected."

Hookup culture has made this the case. The thought of a person not wanting to have sex with someone who they are attracted to is insane. I think some guys have a hard time paying attention to detail and the demeanor of other people when they're in that headspace. Brushing off the comment sometimes isn't enough. It should be, but it's not. You replying to a vulgar statement with "lol anyway what's up?" sometimes won't come across to them as "She didn't like that." It comes across as "try harder" or something which is why they will reply with "nm just thinking about that ass. what r u wearing?" 

I think the most disappointing is when they talk to you for a while like they're normal and then they do a complete 180 and start getting overly sexual. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna pretend I haven't entertained that shit because I have and I'm sure I will entertain it again. Sometimes, I'm bored and sometimes I'm just physically attracted enough to roll with it. Girls get horny too! But you're not constantly hearing about it. There's a time and a place for that shit and the first time you converse with someone via snapchat at 10 in the morning is not the time nor the place. 

Usually, I wouldn't complain about this situation, I'll either roll with it/brush it off if I like them enough or hit that delete/block button. However, at this point, I think I'm just tired of it. I haven't spoken with a dude in the past week and a half that hasn't pulled that shit or something similar. This is including my friends. Of course, I've rolled with it a couple times, I've told some people off, blocked most of them but how annoying. 

That kind of stuff gets to girls. Sometimes, we feel like we're not much more than sexually desirable. Dude will only text you after 11, and when you don't give him what he wants (or maybe you do) - he dips right after. 

In the e-mail I received, the sender mentioned that many times she entertains it because she likes the guy and she hopes that eventually she will see a different side of him/the side she saw when they first started talking/seeing each other. 

Sweetheart, if he just wanted sex, you can't change his mind. Don't waste your time trying to change people's minds. If he wanted to get to know you, he would be.

Basically, what I am trying to say in this post is that it's hard to give advice on something that you're still going through, but I will tell you what I tell myself: You don't have to. You don't have to talk about sex. You don't have to constantly be sexual or wear low cut shirts for him to pay attention to you. You can say that you're not in the mood. And if they f$#@ off after that, let them. You'll meet someone that wants to know your personality before your body.

Lastly, I'd like to point out (before I get nasty emails and comments) that I'm not shaming anyone who enjoys sexting or hookups or what have you. Do you.

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