That Time I Got In A Fight (A Test of Patience)

June 01, 2016

As stressful as life has been over the past few months, I've been working on practicing patience. This is a virtue I have never struggled with before, but assuming that the transition into adulthood has strained my patience very thin. So today, here I am, a borderline internalized hot-head.

During my childhood/early teens, I was very patient. Not in the sense of waiting, but in the sense of forbearance. This, oddly enough, probably had a lot to do with my terrible mental state. I was patient because I always found a way to convince myself that I deserved every misfortune that came my way.   Obviously, my fortitude came to an extent. I was a crier. I still am a crier. I have always been a crier. Frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, no matter the emotion- it always found it's way to present itself in tears. I was one to hold in all my emotions for a while and then explode (hysterically cry) over the tiniest thing. Of course, I'm a libra and an ISFJ personality type. Clearly, I do not like conflict, at all. I like balance and solitude. Unfortunately, the life that was chosen for me doesn't contain either for long periods of time. 

For those of you that have read through my blog or seen any facebook posts/tweets I have made within the past year and a half, this might be surprising to you. My description on facebook literally reads "angry black girl." Many of my emotions come off as ranting and anger. I have had countless people ask, "What happened to you? You never used to be like this." "This" meaning one that will oppose to a person's justification for yelling at me. "This" meaning one that will happily explain to you why you are wrong. "This" meaning one that will openly express my "unpopular opinions." "This" meaning one that'll punch a bitch for dancing on my man.

Oops. That's what this post is about. The time I punched a bitch for dancing on my man.

Okay, it wasn't just for dancing on my man; I'm not insane, but we'll get to that. What significance does this have to what I was talking about earlier? That's when I lost my patience and to this day, I'm having trouble finding all of it.

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When I was around 16, I had been (happily) in the midst of what turned out to be a 2-year relationship. I had just switched from Catholic to public school and was the happiest I had been in years. I had a relatively large circle of friends after recently losing every last one of the ones I had prior. I was in the healthiest and first "real" relationship I'd been in at the time. I was good. My boyfriend at the time had a close family friend who he had known since they were babies (this situation seems to keep happening to me..) I'm gonna be frank, the bitch was craaayyy. Apparently, she (We'll call her Becky, but she didn't have good hair) had a thing for said-boyfriend, (we'll call him Sam because I don't know any guys named Sam) which he had mentioned to me early on. 

That bothered me, but I was/am logical and realized there was nothing either of us could do about Becky having a thing for Sam. Becky was pretty close with most of Sam's family and friends, so, she was present at most gatherings. The first time I formally met Becky, she had an attitude. I wasn't surprised, Sam had prepped me and I wasn't a crazy bitch yet. We were at Sam's family barbecue in which she would refer to me as "Sam's little girlfriend." (She literally would not call me by name, she would call me 'Sam's little girlfriend.') "How adorable is Sam's little girlfriend?" She threw shade by implying that she could never pull off the dress I was wearing because she isn't 'short and stubby.' I am 5'4-5'5, she is maybe 5'7. She also took stabs at our age difference (I was 16 and Sam was turning 19.) and how I'll have to "pay for Sam's physio bill since I'm probably making him strain his back when we kiss." Sam is 6 feet. DRAMATIC EYE ROLL. Of course, I smiled and laughed the whole time. Sam's family began to play music and during this time Becky mentioned she doesn't dance, under any circumstance. 

The second time I met Becky was over the phone actually, in which I called Sam to see if I could bring him food on my spare (we went to different schools, Sam & Becky went to the same school) in which she answered his phone and had the nerve to ask "Who is this?" and when I replied "Clara" she asked "Sam, who the f^&k is Clara?" and when he replied in the background "Uh, my girlfriend, give me my phone" homegirl says "Oh, your little girlfriend from the BBQ?!" [yes, she said BEE BEE Q because saying "barbecue" which is the same amount of syllables (except you don't sound like an idiot when you say one) is soooo hard..] "You two are still together? How adorable!" That "bee bee q" was literally 4 days earlier.. But she think she reeeaaaal cute. 

The third time I met Becky was at a mutual friend's party. This is where shit went down. There was a lot of people and loud music and dancing. Me, being the avid dancer I am, was tearing up the dance floor and dancing with/on Sam. Becky comes over to talk to us (Sam) and completely steps in front of me to speak with Sam. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of caring so I continued to dance with my friend and her boyfriend. So, the song changes and I hear this heffa say "OMG (Yes, she said OH EM GEE) I love this song, dance with me!" and before Sam could reply (I don't even wanna know what his answer would've been tbh) girl is whining and grinding and swinging her blonde hair all over the place. Whenever I hear Cassie's "Me & U" I think of this bitch now. Bitch, I thought you don't dance? Sit yo off-beat ass down. But because I'm ever-so-calm, I was like do what you gotta do, but Sam better keep his hands where I can see them. This song was like the 00's hoe anthem so my friend is dancing on me, and I'm just enjoying my lap dance whilst watching Sam awkwardly signal me to "save him." (I'm petty so I didn't and just kept signalling him like "Sorry, she's dancing on me, I can't do anything") 

Eventually, the song changed to my favorite song at the time (If any of you remember me in 2013, you'd know Beat It by Sean Kingston, Chris Brown & Wiz Khalifa was my jam) and Sam stepped away to come dance with me like the good boyfriend he was. And now I was whining and grinding and whipping my hair (not really whipping my hair though, I don't do that) - and this hoe comes to "twerk" on the side of my boyfriend. I could tell how awkward it was for Sam, but I continued to do my thing. She starts yelling, "Beat it, Sam!" implying she would like him to spank her. I looked at this boy like, if you put you hand on that skinny white girl's ass, I swear to God. Then this hoe did the unthinkable. She had the nerve to shove me (in which I bumped into like 3 strangers and I nearly cried) and by the time I gained my composure, homegirl is twerking, (and I mean TWERKING) on my man, his stance seemed like he was trying to help me up but for some reason he didn't realize the thing attached to his leg. But I got up angry. I'm pretty sure I pushed Sam out of the way and went straight to this bitch with a "Can I f#%^!ng help you?!" and Becky laughs and says, "Sorry, I think Sam was enjoying my lap dances more than yours." I asked her if there was any other men she could go shake her skinny ass on. She replies, "Woah, rather have a skinny ass that a fat ass ratchet one." And that's when I hit her. I don't even remember what happened after that, I just remember her screaming "Oh my God! What the fuck, she's psycho!" (Oh, noooow, she can speak normally and not in acronyms) - Some dude came at me like "What the hell?" but Sam kindly told him to f@#! off and congratulated me on my swift punch. 

The party host (who is still a good friend of mine to this day) asked me if I wanted him to kick her out, which was cool of him considering I hit her but I just wanted to leave - I had enough at that point and ended up hitting up Olive Garden with Sam. From that point on I did my best to avoid that girl and Sam did his best to keep up separated. 

Months later, Sam and I had broken up and I was seeing another dude (which Becky knew about) only to find out this dude and Becky were sexting... but that's a different story.

That was the first and last time I've ever been punched anyone, but since that time, I haven't been able to find my chill. So if anyone has seen it, please return it to me as I am in desperate need of it right now.

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But in all honesty, I do feel bad for hitting her. I didn't have to hit her but again, I let things build up. I'm surprised she didn't hit me back thoooo. 

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