What I Learned About Dating Guys Who Couldn't Be Bothered

January 18, 2017




Let me try to chill a little while I write this. I'm trying to learn to not let it all out when I do these posts, since some of these posts are full-out novels. (But let's not act like they wouldn't be best-sellers, okaaay)
I've learned a lot about myself in the past year. I'm not too quick to say I have changed as much as I am to say that I've just learned what I can actually tolerate and what I cannot.


Before I start this, let me be clear that there are no hard feelings here which is kind of first. The guys mentioned are really great dudes - we just didn't work romantically and that's fine.

I like attention. Not random attention, though. Don't be all up in my grill like I'm some type of barbecue that you were invited to. I like attention from those I am interested in. I've mentioned this before and I would continue to mention it until the dude I was interested in at the time would get the hint. Sometimes, they would but they just couldn't be bothered to give it to me.

I like attention in the form of communication. You text, you call, you make an effort to see a person because you care about them. To me, it makes sense for you to expect the person you are seeing or dating or you are interested in and supposedly is interested in you to want to talk to you and make an effort to do so. I'm not totally insane, right?

The way I see it is if someone constantly tells you that they want you to be in their life but can't be bothered to take the time to make you a part of their life, they don't care about you. If they can't be bothered to make concrete plans with you or actually show up to said plans, they don't care about you. If they can't be bothered to take into account that your only way of believing they care about you is through communication as still choose not to communicate with you, they don't care about you. And how my dumb ass cared about people who showed me they didn't care about me? Well, that's a case for the FBI.

It took me a while to realize this since I spent a long while being really emotionally invested in a guy who couldn't be bothered to care about me. Which was hard for me because I really cared about his well-being and stability (which I came to learn was an issue for him that he was not willing to fix.) Honestly, he wasn't really willing to do anything. And I knew that, but yet my dumb ass was still shocked as hell that he wasn't even willing to do the bare minimum for me.

Now, I shouldn't have expected that of someone who wouldn't commit and couldn't really straight up tell me how he felt. But once again, my dumb ass thought I could tolerate that. And my dumb ass tried. Boy, did my dumb ass try. Because I cared so much, I thought one day he would recognize that and at least try to be less of an asshole. Which now that I look back on, I don't really know why my dumb ass thought that. (Maybe because I was a dumbass? Just a guess.)

Not anything against his character, of course, (Okay, maybe a little against his character. But just a little.) but he treated me like shit and neither of us wanted to say it. However, hindsight is 20/20 - and while I got out of that situation, (in the messiest way possible - but that ain't a tale for right now) I'm dumb as hell and didn't learn my lesson.

Listen to what my dumbass did,





I went and got into another situation where the dude just couldn't commit. Now, this dude was like, 5 years older than the last dude so he was much better at being a guy who couldn't be bothered without actually seeming like one. His favourite thing to do was to listen to what I wanted and pretend to give it to me. We would make plans and he would agree to them to appease me, pretend he forgot about them and then call me to give me this long ass charming, Shakespeare ass apology. And you know what my ass did? Forgave him. Because he was hella fine and he had a way with words and he would smile at me with those perfect teeth. Colgate seller.

This one didn't last long. Because after crying in my car when he stood me up (the first and last time I have ever been stood up.) and asking the universe why every guy treats me like this, I came to the realization that I give too many chances to dudes that aren't even my man. As if they deserved that treatment. They didn't care about me because clearly, I didn't care about me either. By constantly forgiving and showing affection when it wasn't returned, I was showing them that they could treat me that way and I'd let them. (And the could and my dumb ass did.)

(This is not excusing the fact that they were complete dicks.)

And as soon as I made that realization, it seemed like everything fell into place. I started stating what I was looking for and cutting people off quicker. And oddly enough, I can sit here and say I'm happy as hell. I'm getting my attention, I'm being communicated with and I'm able to give every part of myself without feeling like I'm taken advantage of and that's really all I wanted.

And some really good █████████ but that's a conversation for another time. :)





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