19 THINGS I LEARNED AT 19

October 16, 2017



Today is my last day of being 19 and classifying as a "teenager" which is the term used for those slightly more annoying than those in their "early twenties." Am I excited? Hell yeah. I'm pumped to have people look at me with somewhat less disappointment in their eyes when I tell them my age, but still proceed to call me a "baby." So what does this mean for me? Well, I can stop partially lying to the older men I date and telling them I'm twenty when I'm really "nineteen and three quarters". I can officially say "I hate teenagers" without actually being a teenager myself. I will feel exactly the same tomorrow as I do tomorrow. I will continue to have my prepubescent meltdowns and call every "adult" (aka every person older than me) when I don't know how to do something. I will still ask my dad to put wiper fluid in my vehicle. However, I can say I successfully made it out of my teens which at some point, I truly believed wouldn't happen and that's probably the most meaningful of the list.


In retrospect, the past year has been absolutely insane. A year isn't really a long time and I used to be one of those people that didn't really think there's much of a change between one age and the next, but when I look back on everything that has happened and who I was 365 days ago, I can see that this may have been one of the bigger changes for me. Now, I'm not saying that to be dramatic, I certainly didn't drastically recreate myself. I have learned a lot that has caused me to change for, what I'd assume to be, the better. I spent the day reflecting and kind of compiled a list of things I've learned and conclusions I've come to at 19, and thought why not share them with y'all. One, because maybe it'll help some of you out and two, because I haven't made a blog post in two weeks.


1. I DO NOT LIKE BEING DRUNK/BEING DRUNK IS OVERRATED.


I learned this at 18 when my older sisters got me wasted at my 18th birthday and I had my first hangover. Despite being very proud of myself for not vomiting, I am a control freak, so I stopped drinking for months just to avoid being that sloppy and out of control. I learned my limit real quick and can count on one hand how many times I have been full-out drunk and not just tipsy. However, this was proven to me greatly and my birthday party last weekend when I drunkenly cried because I was stressed because I could not compose myself. I thought I was being a lot sloppier than I actually was, but then I cried about it which caused me to then look even more sloppy... yeah. So, my advice for all the young(er than me)ins: Learn your limit, asap.

2. IT IS OKAY TO WEAR FLAT SHOES SOMETIMES.

Girl. Respect your feet, you're really not that short.

3. SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT A NEGATIVE THING AND DON'T BE ASHAMED OF IT BEING ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS OF YOUR LIFE CURRENTLY.

Every older person wants to pretend that technology is the devil and it's pointless and useless and it's rotting away the brains of the younger generations. I used to be so ashamed of how much time I spend on the internet and my phone and the fact that I have almost every [currently popular] social media platform known to man, but I also managed to turn it into a job and a way to connect with others and to me, that means something.

4. IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. IT'S OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

This year I did something I had been trying to get myself to do since I was 13 years old. I asked for help and I put myself first. And while it was scary at first and I was filled with shame and guilt, it was something I really needed to do. And I have no regrets about it.

5. TRAVELLING THE WORLD IS OVERRATED.

I know reading that made a few people's chests tight, but hear me out. I feel like everyone focuses so heavily on travelling the world and that's great, explore the world we live in, but it's not something I think is important enough to spend your last coin on. Grind now, travel later.

6. YES, SOME PEOPLE ARE THAT STUPID.

And it's not your job to educate them.

7. YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING "NICE" OR "POLITE."

Don't sacrifice your safety and comfort for the sake of making other people comfortable.

8. DON'T LET PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR HOW YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE FUN.


For someone who barely parties, I have had a lot of people try to shame me for doing so. Or  older men try to talk me out of going out by using slut-shaming or "it's immature" tactics. 

9. GROWN MEN DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FLAWS.


I had to really teach myself to let go of the idea that guys actually cared about peach fuzz, or whether my eyebrows are exactly symmetrical. You don't need to go on a strict pineapple diet for a week before you do the nasty. And yes, he'll still go down on you if you haven't shaved.






10. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES. CHILL THE F*** OUT.


I am a homegrown perfectionist. Since I was a kid, I would beat myself up for the littlest things. Not that I have completely rid myself of that trait, but in the past year, I have really learned to accept the mistakes I've made and learn from them. Besides, it's almost never that serious. Just relax. Live life.

11. STOP HOLDING GRUDGES, LET IT GO.


Along with being a control freak, a perfectionist and super uptight, I was one to hold onto things. Not purposely, but I would let things people told me years ago (literally, like a decade ago) still affect me in the present. It stopped me from doing certain things, achieving certain goals and even affected the way I treated certain people. I had to learn that for one, those things weren't true; two, not everyone is the same; and three, it is taking too much energy for me to be holding on to things that truly do not matter anymore.

12. SPEND TIME WITH THOSE YOU LOVE BEFORE YOU LOSE THEM.

It doesn't hurt to send a phone call or a text. Even if you can't physically be there with them, even if there is a slight language barrier - express your love while you can.

13. YEAH, HE FINE, BUT DOES HE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIMSELF THO?


Does he love himself? Is he self-reflective? This year, I learned I needed to stop dating guys who are emotionally unstable. Of course, like most lessons learned, I learned it the hard way. It is not my job to be their therapist and try to put their lives together. The sad thing about this is if he can't treat himself right, you can't be surprised when he doesn't treat you right.

14. YOU DON'T NEED TO ENDURE THE MAKEOUT SESSION IF IT'S BAD.


Don't allow these dudes to be chewing up your lip and tongue.

15. STOP IGNORING THE PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM, IT'S RUDE.


It isn't purposeful, but you need to stop before they get tired of your ass.

16. SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE, SERIOUSLY.


I know everyone says this and I used to see this but the past year has shown me that you can't force anything. No matter how right it feels, if God or the universe didn't make it for you, it's not for you. 

17. HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU ISN'T ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF WHAT YOU DESERVE AS A HUMAN.

Sometimes people will treat you a certain way and it has nothing to do with you at all. That person may be dealing with a whole world of issues that do not involve you, but they happen to take their self-destructive and toxic behaviours out on you. I needed to learn to stop blaming myself for the shitty things people would do to me. Sometimes people just do shitty things. Sometimes people are just shitty people. I had to learn how to identify these behaviours and traits and remove myself from toxic situations that I knew deep down I didn't deserve to be in. I needed to learn to stop doubting my abilities to be a good girlfriend or friend and know that these people had deep issues that they needed to sort out and that had nothing to with me. And it is not my duty to fix them or help them through something as they continue to treat me badly.


18. YOU DON'T NEED TO STAY WITH HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. (OR BECAUSE HE CLAIMS TO LOVE YOU.)

You will love again. He is not the only one. There is someone out there who will treat you right, so why waste time with someone who couldn't figure it out.

19. NOT EVERYONE IN YOUR CIRCLE IS ROOTING FOR YOU.

They could be your closest or oldest friend, but that doesn't mean they always have your best interest at heart. Some of these people act like your biggest fan, but still wanna talk shit and stick a hole in ya expensive ass birthday cake (hoe, I see you.) Be ready to cut people off. You're gonna do it a lot. The quicker, the better. Envy is a basic human trait and it's okay to sometimes wish your grass was a little greener, but it's not okay to piss on your neighbour's lawn.


**20. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE. GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT.

I'm sensitive, I'm a crier, but I am not weak. I'm kind, I'm strong and I have the ability to clap back and cut off when needed and admitting that doesn't make me conceited or a bitch.






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