October 25, 2017

"The truth will set you free, but first, it'll piss you off." - Gloria Steinem 

Happy Wednesday, friends! I went through my reader email ( for the first time in 6 months last night and I want to start out with telling you all how thankful I am for your emails. It's nice to know that people actually read and enjoy my psychobabble.

Moving on to the topic of this post, I received a surprising amount of emails circling the topic of dating and relationships. There were many questions along the lines of "Why do guys suck?", "Why won't anyone commit to me?" , "Why am I __ years old and I've never had a boyfriend?", etc.

Well, I'm here to answer all your questions and give you the [major] key to dating, falling in love and having that serious, committed relationship you've always wanted all before the age of 21. Listen closely... Are you ready for it?

The key is to let go of that idea.

Now, I'm the last person to try and discourage anyone from finding their "person." If this blog tells you anything about me, it's that I'm a sap and a romantic. But if I'm being honest, dating in your teens and early 20's sucks. Of course, I just reached 20 but dating was awful in my teens and I know enough people to confirm that dating is going to be awful right into my twenties. So, letting go of the idea that you should have this perfect, committed relationship at this point in your life is crucial in saving you constant heartbreak when every dude you match with on Tinder doesn't actually want to be with you.

Why does dating suck in your teens and early 20s? The simple answer is most guys (/people) aren't looking for what you may be looking for at this age. Most 18-25-year-olds wanna sit at home, play video games, hang out with their boys and get laid. They aren't really interested in building a strong, long-lasting, monogamous relationship at this point in their lives. Most of them aren't ready to invest themselves like that, which is why often when they begin to do so, they get cold feet and end up cheating or end a relationship that was going seemingly well. This could have a lot to do with not wanting to be held down, worried that they haven't "experienced enough yet" (yes, it is what you think.) or just simply not being emotionally ready for that level of commitment.

Girls often develop this desire at a young age. I was nothing but 8 years old when I was dreaming about my wedding and wondering what my "Prince Charming" was doing right at that very moment. At this time, I was very close with a family friend who was my same age, but a boy. While I was dreaming about one day meeting the love of my life - he had just realized that he really loved tits. (And I mean, don't we all?)

While girls were fed "happily ever after" movies/storybooks and "Does He Like You?" quizzes in magazines; boys were given superheroes, video games, and Playboy magazines. So, this contrast shouldn't really come as a surprise to any of us. This is one of the sole reasons I will tell people that when your significant other isn't committing the way they should, it usually has nothing to with you and everything to do with them.

I mention this because most 18-25-year-old guys are not thinking about marriage or starting a family, but most 18-25-year-old girls have at least once believed they would be alone forever because they have yet to find "the one" or have asked themselves "what's wrong with me?" because they have yet to find someone willing to commit.

Before you get overly discouraged (or offended, depending on who is reading this), this may be true for the majority but there are guys out there who are looking for something serious and committed at a young age. Girls who are not looking for anything serious and committed exist as well. For some reason, these people always end up to get together.

"So, why even bother dating in your teens/20s?" Well, because dating in your teens and twenties is very important for your emotional growth. You will learn how to build relationships and bonds with people and you will learn exactly what you want (or don't want) in a partner. You will learn things that you will take with you into future relationships. How old one decides to start dating is relative and I can't really say I learned a lot from the "boyfriend" I had a 12. But once I reached 16, 17, 18... I began to understand the meaning of forming emotional connections with people and I was able to differentiate between whether I was truly interested in a person or I was just infatuated.

We always seem to think we know what we want at a certain age. When I was 8, I wanted to be swept off my feet. At 13, I just wanted someone good looking. Coming up to 16, I wanted someone to hold my hand, take me to movies and make out with. But once I reached 18-19, I realized I really wanted someone to connect with. It wasn't about the outings or the flirtatious text messages or how attractive they were because none of that matters if we can't just sit and have a conversation. And I'm sure my wants and desires will become clearer and clearer over the next few years.

I never would've known what I did/didn't want if I hadn't taken the time to just date. I never would've known the subliminal signs of an abusive relationship without having been in one. I never would've known what it was like to not actually like the person I was with. And I never would've known that I would be able to come back from heartbreak and infidelity, which being young were my greatest fears.

So yes, dating sucks. And it will suck until it doesn't, but that's kind of the reason we do it. No one is "good at dating", we are all just kind of walking around in the dark. But eventually, your night vision gets a little better.

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